An easy way to get arrested.

Last night I was cleaning up and shredding old papers when I found a “good job” letter from an old supervisor of mine. I read over it and laughed out loud as I thought about this call. I dig my job and I dig helping people but some people are just crazy and well…dumb. I know this sounds bad and don’t get my words twisted but some people just don’t think about anything or what they are doing. This is especially true when it comes to those who call when intoxicated. If you would like to know an easy way to get arrested, this is one of them.

It was December 2006 around 2am or so and I received a 911 call. It had actually been dead most of the night because of the weather and people were playing it safe by staying home. Some people were out and about either way and the fun apparently had been happening at an old country bar in the southeastern part of the county. I know this because of the 911 call.

“911 where’s your emergency?”

“Uh…well there’s no real emergency.”

“Ok well…”

“Hey! You listening to me boy?”

“Yes sir, what seems to be the problem?”

“Well DISPATCHER, I was kicked out of a bar and I want you to send an officer to my house so that he can give me a PBT and prove I was not as drunk as they said.”

So…you read that right? You understood what he was looking for? I could tell that this fool was obviously drunk and he wanted me to send an officer to his home and breath test him so that he could prove he was not as intoxicated as the people at the bar claimed. Ok, we’re on the same page.

“Sir, I’m not sure that the officer is going to go out there for that.”

“What!? Do your job DISPATCHER, do your job! Get his ass out here!”

I had to hold back from laughing because I couldn’t believe that this guy was calling for something this stupid.

“Sir, I can have an officer call you if you want to know what rights you might have but…”

“NO! I pay my taxes, and I pay your salary so you get him out here! You see my address on your screen?”

“Yes sir I do.”

“Send him here now!”

The guy who I will call Punchy hung up on me and I had one of the troopers call me in dispatch. When he called I told him the situation and he said he was not going to go out there but that if he called on 911 a few more times that he would go out there for a misuse of 911.


“911, where’s your emerg…”

“HEY! DISPATCHER! He coming yet?”

“Sir, the officer is not going to go out there.”

“I pay for everything you do and I order you to get him out here now! I bet if I was dying or fighting with someone you would get someone out here right?”

“Yes sir I would because that’s what I do and besides, that’s a whole different situation.”

“I know that you asshole! Look I know this is somewhat stupid but I have something to prove here! I paid a lot of money and then they thought I had too much so that stopped serving me and kicked me out because I got mad.”

“So…you spent a lot of money, you drank a lot, and you got kicked out. Are you by yourself sir?”

“Well yeah, what does that matter?”

“So…you drove yourself home after drinking?”

“LOOK DISPATCHER, THAT’S BESIDES THE POINT! None of that matters!” *click*

I hung up the phone and laughed at the entire situation. How could someone call for something so dumb? He even said that it was dumb yet he had something to prove. Punchy called two more times and the conversations were full of him yelling and swearing at me. After the fourth time I sent the trooper a message and he said that he was enroute to the guys house.



*holding chuckle back* “Yes, sir.”

“Is he on his way?”

“Yes sir he is.”

“Good! You make sure to tell him to watch out because I don’t mess around. I’m glad you are finally doing your job DISPATCHER.”

“Oh, I always do my job sir. That’s what we do here, we take the call and serve the public. I’m sure you will get exactly what you asked for when the trooper gets there.”

“Excellent! You’re not such an asshole after all.” *click*

I hung up and waited for the outcome. I advised the trooper of what Punchy had said and he pleasantly responded with,

“Oh I’ll make sure to keep that in the back of my mind.”

The trooper had only been out there for a little while when I heard,

“Central…one in custody.”

The guy had admitted to driving drunk and I don’t know if he got pinched for that since he wasn’t driving at the time the trooper was out there with him but he definitely got hit for misuse of 911. It amazes me how dumb some people are. Even you can admit that Punchy was stupid for making this call. I never heard from old Punchy again but if you want to know an easy way to get arrested, this is one of them.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Scroll to top