As I prayed to the Porcelain God yesterday morning, I thought about my family and the fact that I have a daughter that will be born in about 5 1/2 weeks. I need to get my shit together. I was going to wait until mid-August to stop drinking for a while but I’m going to stop today. I can’t take the chance of my wife going into labor early and me being two beers into a party or cookout or something. That’s not going to happen! I’m scared as it is and this would just make things worse. So, it’s time to say good bye. I need to focus on the baby and my family. 5 1/2 weeks are going to come and go before I know it. If it goes the way it did last time I am going to be a fool running around with bags while my wife is watching me and laughing and I simply need to be focused.
So here it is. I’m putting away the fun for a while. I’m trading in the brew for some cloth diapers, baby girl clothes, and….holy crap! I’m looking at my surround sound system and everything needs to be bubble wrapped and child proofed or my precious electronics will be destroyed. Yep, its been too long since a baby has been around here. Well…that is ours. So long to my sweet, sweet nectar of the gods. I will see you again soon enough but my little girl is way more important than you. Bye, bye…for now.
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By Ricardo — 7 years ago
Hello all and Jabber Log is back with another story from the past. A funny story involving my brother, myself, and the State Police of Michigan. It was February of 1999 and I was getting out of school for the day. I had been debating on whether or not to bring my Tommy Hilfiger jacket with me or not and finally I decided I had enough crap to take home with me so I left it in my locker. I waited for my brother to get out of class and we got out of the parking lot and fast. For the past month or so I had been defying authority by parking in the teacher’s parking lot and I felt like I could get away with anything. With my cocky attitude I was just begging for Karma to kick me in the ass.
My brother Fernando (Nando for short) and I were cruising in my 1983 Z28 Camaro to South Haven so that I could get my senior pictures taken and we were enjoying ourselves. I had an excellent sound system in my car and I was bassing it all the way to our destination. The sounds of “F Da Police” by N.W.A. were blaring through my speakers and I turned to the left to see a state trooper pass by me going north. I didn’t care though, nothing could stop my good mood and I thought, “F Da Police” just like the song.
Well in my stupid teenage, not giving a crap mood, I failed to notice that the trooper had whipped around and was now on my ass. For whatever reason I sped up a little and looked over to tell Nando that we were going to get pulled over but he was passed out. I slowed down and I began to sweat, I mean really sweat. It was that kind of sweat that creates spots in unflattering areas. I was looked in the mirror and noticed a second trooper catching up to us. For a moment I thought they were heading to something else and then I about soiled myself when one of them pulled up next to me and they both hit their lights with the one next to me motioning to me to pull over. My attitude changed and I could barely breathe. I pulled over, shut my car off, and put my window down.
“How’s it going,” asked the trooper.
I could barley speak, “Um..alright I guess.”
“You know why I pulled you over?”
“Let me see your license and registration.”
I gasped and I swear my ass puckered when I flashed back and realized that I had left my stupid license in my Tommy jacket. I was sure I was screwed.
“I don’t have it…I left it in my other.”
“Get out of the car!”
I got out of the car and I held back my emotion. I was so scared and pissed that I wanted to cry like a fool. The trooper nudged me toward the back of my car as I dragged my feet.
“Get up against the car!”
“Did I stutter boy?”
Never in my life did I think I was going to be in this situation and I grit my teeth, placed my hands on the car and spread my legs.
“How old are you”, the trooper asked as he searched me.
“I’m 17 sir.”
“Yeah? Do you deal at all?”
“Why would you ask me that?”
“You fit the description of a drug dealer we’re looking for.”
I stood with no response as he pulled out my pager and cell phone.
“Hmm…you have a cell phone, a pager, and this nice car and you don’ t deal?”
“My parents have to keep track of me somehow and I work and get good grades man.”
“Uh huh, so if I search your car I won’t find anything right?”
Without missing a beat I blurted out, “Well it’s my dads car so if you find anything it belongs to him.”
The troopers laughed as I stood there trying to stop myself from wetting my man-shorts.
“So who’s that guy in the passenger seat and what’s wrong with him? Is he on drugs or something?”
“What? No sir, that’s my little brother he’s just tired.”
The trooper had me stay with the other one in back of my car and he tapped on the window. Nando didn’t move a muscle and after tapping the window a little harder he finally decided to open the door. Nando was so tired his ass fell out of the car and onto the road. I had not thought we could be screwed anymore than we already were until Nando fell out of the car. He looked cracked out, drunk, and his hair was mangled.
“Get up and go over there with your brother”, yelled the trooper.
Nando jumped up and ran toward me. “Oh my god dude what’s going on!?”
I shook my head and looked up into the sky. Lady Karma had arrived and it was time for me to get mine. The trooper had destroyed the inside of my car and I was freaking out. We were told to get back in the car and we did as we were told. We waited for the longest time and finally the trooper came up to give me a ticket for the tint on my windows. Apparently that was the real reason for pulling me over and since I did not have my license on me he could have arrested me for it. The trooper let us go and I was so happy. The following day I was a little pissed that I would have to take off my tint but was happy that if I did I would not have to pay the ticket.
Later that day I went to the eye doctor and I told him my story. Before I left his office he gave me the note pictured above. He told me to present it with my ticket and I would be rewarded. I went to the post and brought my father with me. When we got there the trooper who had pulled me over happened to be there and I turned in my ticket and showed my doctors note. He grit his teeth and I thought he was going to blow a gasket when he ripped it up in front of me. I couldn’t help but crack a smile as he gave me the look of death. I said thanks and walked off in a blaze of glory. I was pretty happy with myself since I had put it to the man.
Years later I look back at this incident and I think, “What the F was I thinking?” I could have gone to jail but when you’re that young you don’t care until it’s right in your face. What sweet irony this turned out to be since I now work for the man. Ha! I now understand why officers do what they do and if you had told me back then that I would be working for the police as an adult I would have told you, “F Da Police”.Post Views: 141
By Ricardo — 6 years ago
Allegan Michigan is a city that has a lot to offer. According to cityofallegan.org, the city is “a community with an unbeatable combination of historic small-town atmosphere and community minded approach.” The city is rich with small businesses and is also within the county seat. One such business is fairly new to the area. Mug Shots, a new coffeehouse in Allegan, offers a different outlook on the norm by way of design, color, and overall feel of the business. Both Corrina Mendell and Rob Temple, co-owners of Mug Shots, sat down to speak with Jabber Log about how the name was chosen and what makes them unique.
For more information on Mug Shots visit their web site and “Like” them on Facebook.Post Views: 95
By Ricardo — 7 years ago
Oh the 3 P’s of Parenting. The 3 P’s are something that parents and well, I guess anyone who is around kids has to deal with. If you don’t know what the 3 P’s are, they stand for, Pee, Poop, and Puke. Yes, you did read that right. Everyone has dealt with this one time or another and some more than others. My wife and I have been dealing with this a lot lately. Our daughter will be 2 months old in a few days and this is all she does right now besides looking cute. It’s really no big deal but our kids are 7 years apart. It’s almost like being 1st time parents because there is such a big gap between them.
About a week ago or so my wife had gone to a check up. I had to work so she went by herself with Lola. My wife and I had not had the chance to wash Lola’s cloth diapers so she took a few disposables with her. I had forgotten that she had the appointment so while at work I sent her a message asking how things were going. I messaged her a few different times with no response. Finally I received a message back from my wife saying that Lola was being fussy and just had a blow out. I knew to leave well enough alone so I didn’t message back. When I got home I got the full story. Lola was being fussy enough that one of the students that was shadowing my wife’s doctor had to hold and bounce our little girl. While doing this Lola decided it was the right time to let everyone have it. While still in her gown my wife Rebecca attempted to change the mother of all blowouts. From what she said, the blowout was bad enough that it went up to Lola’s neck and everywhere else. She went searching through the diaper bag and realized that she had forgotten to pack the wipes. Luckily there were some paper towels in the room so she was able to clean up our daughter but it sounded like hell. After that incident it was the death of the disposable diaper in our home.
I felt bad for her but in all honesty I was glad it wasn’t me. She handled it nicely but if it were me I think I would have panicked. We are now sticking to cloth full time but looking to branch out in using more than just a pre-fold and cover. Now, everyone knows that with poop comes pee. It sounds gross but really, it makes for a good story because we’ve all been there. The other day my wife asked me to change Lola while she started the water for her bath. I brought Lola into our bedroom and changed her. She was all smiles and I kept telling her that her smiles would not last because she was going to take a bath. I picked her up and brought her naked little butt into the bathroom. While Rebecca was getting the bath ready I began to move Lola from side to side. I joked that she was going to get a bath and I felt something wet hit my sock. I looked down and realized that she was peeing.
“What are you doing Rich!?”
Lola had stopped for the moment so I figured I was good to go. I thought Rebecca was still waiting for the water to be the right temperture so I held onto Lola. Well, the little one wasn’t finished and started again.
“What are you waiting for?”
“I…uh…I thought she was…”
“Put her in, put her in!”
I put her in and Lola started to cry once the water splashed her. All I could do was laugh. I wasn’t expecting to be peed on but I was sure it would happen sooner or later. The final “P” is one that you’re never ready for. Puke can hit at anytime like the first two P’s but there is no cover for this one. I mean, it’s not like you can put a diaper on your kids face. Instead we have to make sure to stretch our necks a bit before carrying our kids because there is the possibility of pulling a muscle when dodging puke. Just last night I was holding Lola and she puked on me. I didn’t have to dodge it but my pants met the warm gooeyness of my daughters puke. She smiled of course and I cleaned her off but I think her smile was to let me know that I still had more coming in the future. It’s very possible that it will be worse and it reminds me of when I had to dodge Logan’s puke. I had him up above me and I was moving him back and forth and he chucked it at me. I was able to turn my head but just barely. My wife laughed as I continued to hold Logan above me and the puke ran down my neck.
I figure I’m getting payback for what I did to my parents as a baby. It’s a little embarrassing but I have no shame. From what they told me, they had gone to Meijer to get groceries and their first item involved several jars of baby food. As they continued to shop they smelled something horrific and looked down. I had a major blowout and it was all over the cart and the jars of food. My mom told me that my dad freaked out, took off his jacket, wrapped me in it and they fled the store. I can just see them running out of there and people staring at them. Can you imagine smelling that a few aisles away or being the one to clean it up? It makes me laugh and if it happened to me I’d probably do the same thing. The 3 P’s are something we deal with all the time. It’s one of the things that make parenting so much fun. Sure it can be nasty but it makes for an excellent story and the experience with my kids is worth every “P” they dish out. So now it’s your turn. Comment and share your experiences with the 3 P’s.Post Views: 124