In about 4 weeks my daughter Lola will be born. I’m very excited and can’t help but think of the mischief that my kids will get into. They are seven years apart but I’m sure they will get into some shit along the way that will cause my gray hair to sprout. My siblings and I did a lot of things growing up and I’m sure my parents were ready to pull their hair out. This is what wakes me up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, thinking of the crap we did growing up. Will my kids do the same? They probably will but they will surpass my craziness and probably pull stuff that I would have never dreamed of doing. Growing up I was a good influence on my siblings…well a good influence in the sense of getting them into shit that we got in trouble for. Even though it was my fault though, I had to learn it from somewhere right? The answer is yes! A huge ass YES! It’s safe to say that my older cousins were to blame for some of the stuff I got into.
I’m not complaining though. We had a lot of fun even if it was at my expense but I gained the knowledge and ability to influence those around me. For starters, I got into wrestling in the 80’s. The characters were awesome and the moves looked devastating. Actually, they felt devastating as well because I was the dummy who was there to experiment on. My cousin Russ and Joey were into wrestling and whenever they saw a new move I was the lucky one that was chosen to take it. I felt the wrath of Ric Flair’s “Figure Four Leg Lock”, “The Abdominal Stretch”, and “The Scorpion Deathlock”. It was all in fun but damn did it hurt! They taught me about the on going war between the red ants and black ants. This was taught by pitting them together so that they could battle to the death. We tested my cousin Russ’s cat Knievel to see how many times it would land on its feet when thrown in the air, and surprisingly enough it landed on its feet every time. We were baffled as to how it could do this so fast.
All of that seems minor but when there are no parents around at the time, it feels like you’re getting away with murder. When I got a little older it was my turn to shine. I had a younger brother Fernando (Nando for short) and my younger twin sisters, Crystal and Dee-von. One of the first things I can remember introducing to them was American Gladiators. Remember Joust from that show? I do and it was one of our favorite parts. So what better way to spend time with my siblings than to create our own version of Joust? We made our teams, gathered some pillows, and positioned our coffee table so that if we fell off it we would land on the couch. Pretty simple right? Not at all. The first few matches went well and it was fun but the last match came with an injury. My sister Dee-von slipped off the table and cracked her side on the way down. Till this day she still has a scar around her ribs. It was not good but she wasn’t all that hurt anyway. At least I don’t think she was all that hurt. Another good time was when my brother and I bought boxing gloves from an MC Sporting Goods store that was relocating. Everything was on sale so we bought the gloves for cheap. We boxed each other for a while and eventually we got bored. We were looking for something to do and decided to pit our sisters against each other. We brought them down to our spooky ass basement and put the gloves on them. We picked a side and began to coach them but they wouldn’t fight. We tried everything and finally I turned to Crystal and told her that Dee-von had said she was ugly.
That’s all it took and Crystal screamed toward Dee-von. They were about 4 or 5 so the gloves went all the way up their arms and they swung wildly at each other. Not one of them could connect with a good punch. Nando and I cheered and laughed as they struggled to lift the gloves. Finally Crystal connected and clocked Dee-von in the face. She started to cry. They hugged each other and cried together.
“You’re my sister and I love you.”
We booed them for stopping. The fun was now over and my brother and I ran. Why did we run you ask? They yelled very loud and we were doomed.
My sisters yelled for our father and Nando and I split. All you could see was the smoke we left behind as we ran. We got upstairs and immediately went outside to play basketball. We started in the middle of a game of HORSE to throw off my dad but it didn’t help. We were screwed!
“Rich! Nando! Get your asses in here!”
“What’s up dad”, I asked sheepishly.
“Why are the twins crying?”
“I don’t know. Do you know Nando?”
“Nope, I don’t know what happened.”
“See dad? They must have been…”
“Don’t lie to me! They told me that you guys made them fight with the boxing gloves.”
“What!? Come on da..”
“Both of you get in the room!”
This was not good. We were caught and there was no way out of it. What made things worse was the fact that whenever we got in trouble like this, my dad would wait by our bedroom door to spank us on the way in. I had always let it happen but this time I was ready to shake things up. I decided to run in so that I could bypass his swinging arm and right as I passed him he snagged me. I was sure I could dodge it but I was not lucky. It hurt like a bitch and it was Nando’s turn. He took a deep breath and took off running. My dad swung his arm to spank him and Nando dodged it. I was happy for him and Nando was happy. He had the biggest smile on face until,
“NANDO! Now you just made it worse. I’ll be back with the belt!”
He started crying and I felt really bad for him. My dad never came back with the belt though. I guess he figured that Nando was scared enough to not do it again. This is just a sample of the shit we used to do growing up. I wonder what my kids are going to pull on me? Logan already has a crazy imagination so I’m sure once Lola is old enough they will be causing havoc for their mother and I. Can you recall anything you did as a kid to make your parents go nuts? Have your own kids done anything to trip you out enough to make you believe that it’s payback for the way you were growing up? Share your stories here, I’d love to read and comment on them. Cheers!
P.S. The picture is of myself, my wife, and my siblings. Whenever we see each other we make a point to take one F’d up picture to make our parents proud. 8)