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Diaper Wars: The 3 P’s of Parenting

A father's tale, may the cloth be with you.Oh the 3 P’s of Parenting. The 3 P’s are something that parents and well, I guess anyone who is around kids has to deal with. If you don’t know what the 3 P’s are, they stand for, Pee, Poop, and Puke. Yes, you did read that right. Everyone has dealt with this one time or another and some more than others. My wife and I have been dealing with this a lot lately. Our daughter will be 2 months old in a few days and this is all she does right now besides looking cute. It’s really no big deal but our kids are 7 years apart. It’s almost like being 1st time parents because there is such a big gap between them.

About a week ago or so my wife had gone to a check up. I had to work so she went by herself with Lola. My wife and I had not had the chance to wash Lola’s cloth diapers so she took a few disposables with her. I had forgotten that she had the appointment so while at work I sent her a message asking how things were going. I messaged her a few different times with no response. Finally I received a message back from my wife saying that Lola was being fussy and just had a blow out. I knew to leave well enough alone so I didn’t message back. When I got home I got the full story. Lola was being fussy enough that one of the students that was shadowing my wife’s doctor had to hold and bounce our little girl. While doing this Lola decided it was the right time to let everyone have it. While still in her gown my wife Rebecca attempted to change the mother of all blowouts. From what she said, the blowout was bad enough that it went up to Lola’s neck and everywhere else. She went searching through the diaper bag and realized that she had forgotten to pack the wipes. Luckily there were some paper towels in the room so she was able to clean up our daughter but it sounded like hell. After that incident it was the death of the disposable diaper in our home.

I felt bad for her but in all honesty I was glad it wasn’t me. She handled it nicely but if it were me I think I would have panicked. We are now sticking to cloth full time but looking to branch out in using more than just a pre-fold and cover. Now, everyone knows that with poop comes pee. It sounds gross but really, it makes for a good story because we’ve all been there. The other day my wife asked me to change Lola while she started the water for her bath. I brought Lola into our bedroom and changed her. She was all smiles and I kept telling her that her smiles would not last because she was going to take a bath. I picked her up and brought her naked little butt into the bathroom. While Rebecca was getting the bath ready I began to move Lola from side to side. I joked that she was going to get a bath and I felt something wet hit my sock. I looked down and realized that she was peeing.

“What are you doing Rich!?”

“I…uh..”

Lola had stopped for the moment so I figured I was good to go. I thought Rebecca was still waiting for the water to be the right temperture so I held onto Lola. Well, the little one wasn’t finished and started again.

“What are you waiting for?”

“I…uh…I thought she was…”

“Put her in, put her in!”

I put her in and Lola started to cry once the water splashed her. All I could do was laugh. I wasn’t expecting to be peed on but I was sure it would happen sooner or later. The final “P” is one that you’re never ready for. Puke can hit at anytime like the first two P’s but there is no cover for this one. I mean, it’s not like you can put a diaper on your kids face. Instead we have to make sure to stretch our necks a bit before carrying our kids because there is the possibility of pulling a muscle when dodging puke. Just last night I was holding Lola and she puked on me. I didn’t have to dodge it but my pants met the warm gooeyness of my daughters puke. She smiled of course and I cleaned her off but I think her smile was to let me know that I still had more coming in the future. It’s very possible that it will be worse and it reminds me of when I had to dodge Logan’s puke. I had him up above me and I was moving him back and forth and he chucked it at me. I was able to turn my head but just barely. My wife laughed as I continued to hold Logan above me and the puke ran down my neck.

I figure I’m getting payback for what I did to my parents as a baby. It’s a little embarrassing but I have no shame. From what they told me, they had gone to Meijer to get groceries and their first item involved several jars of baby food. As they continued to shop they smelled something horrific and looked down. I had a major blowout and it was all over the cart and the jars of food. My mom told me that my dad freaked out, took off his jacket, wrapped me in it and they fled the store. I can just see them running out of there and people staring at them. Can you imagine smelling that a few aisles away or being the one to clean it up? It makes me laugh and if it happened to me I’d probably do the same thing. The 3 P’s are something we deal with all the time. It’s one of the things that make parenting so much fun. Sure it can be nasty but it makes for an excellent story and the experience with my kids is worth every “P” they dish out. So now it’s your turn. Comment and share your experiences with the 3 P’s.

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