The Walking Dead….enough said folks, enough said….oh and trailer was debuted at Comic-Con!
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By Ricardo — 6 years ago
How does one realize they have the ability to shrink down to a size small enough to crawl into hole? Well, unless you’re Alice and drinking or eating different things in Wonderland, there is only 1 true step to realize this ability. Now, in order for me to reveal this step I must give a scenario. About a week ago my son and I were headed to the store to get a few things for dinner. I had the radio on a Rock station and a Kid Rock song was on. Normally I would have changed it but every word appeared to be bleeped out…or so I thought.
“Um…dad, what was that?”
“What was what?”
“Well, I heard the guy singing and then I heard a bleep sound.”
“Oh…well he said a bad word so instead of hearing the bad word they put in a bleep sound.”
“Oh, ok then.
I thought I was in the clear until the next verse destroyed everything.
“I AM AMERICAN BAD@$$!”
*Gasp* “HE SAID ASS!”
I froze and began to sweat. I was shocked but it was my own fault. Given the singer and the song I should have known that something would have been left without a bleep.
“What did you say?”
“Ass, he said ass. That’s a bad word…right?”
I tried not to laugh. “Yes, you’re right, it is a bad word but you don’t ever repeat it again.”
“Okay, I won’t but someone needs to tell them that they forgot to bleep that out.”
I chuckled to myself but had that been in public I would have taken that 1 step to shrinking myself and crawling into a hole. This is what I want to talk about. Everyone has been there and some more than others but what can you do? Children are honest and they speak their mind. They haven’t learned about what’s frowned upon in public yet so they have us, the mighty adults and parents, to guide them the best we can. It’s all we can do really, but when they speak it can sometimes lead to some very embarrassing moments.
So let’s get started. Many years ago I attended a graduation ceremony with my family. I was about 10 years old which would have made my younger brother 5, and my younger twin sisters 4. The weather was beautiful and the graduation ceremony was like any other but at the end of it I’m sure my parents realized their ability to shrink. The ceremony had just finished up and we were making our way to the parking lot from the football field at Fennville High School. My parents held the hands of my younger sisters and people were walking in between them. They didn’t seem to mind until a teacher, Mr. Lugten, walked between them. If you’re from Fennville you know exactly what I’m getting at here. This man was very nice and was an excellent teacher but he was very very tall and to a 4 year old…well…it was rather embarrassing for my parents.
I remember seeing Mr. Lugten walking towards us and my sisters were rambling on about all the people. I could see my parents staring in front of them and I realized they were looking at Mr. Lugten. As he got closer I my dad looked down at my sisters and back in front of him. My parents stepped to the side as Mr. Lugten walked in between them. My sisters locked their sight onto him and yelled,
“WHOA, IT’S A GIANT!”
I heard my parents gasp and everyone turned and stared at us. My dad looked up, took a deep breath, and apologized.
“I’m really sorry about that.”
“It’s okay Richard, I get that a lot.”
Mr. Lugten laughed it off and continued walking but my sisters kept looking back at him. It was hilarious and although my parents took their step toward shrinking it wasn’t all that bad. My dad actually knew Mr. Lugten from their days playing softball for different leagues but the incident was embarrassing none the less. It’s funny to think back on my parents and their urge to crawl into a hole but the more I laugh the more I think about my own kids getting me with something like that. One incident I remember fondly was when my son and I were leaving the grocery store and walking back to our car. I noticed an elderly woman walking towards us and she was carrying an oxygen tank and wearing a mask. I immediately panicked because I knew Logan would say something. I took a deep breath to settle myself down and just let go. How bad could it be? He had not made eye contact so I figured I was in the clear and worrying for nothing. As she walked by us it happened,
“What’s wrong with her!?”
“Shhh! Hold on!”
I could hear the woman breathing heavily and I pulled Logan as he stared at her.
“Quit staring Logan.”
“I’m sorry but she sounds like Darth Vader.”
He had said it loud. Loud enough for her to hear and I quickly turned in order to apologize in case she was looking our way but she continued walking. My face was hot and I looked down at Logan.
“Dude, you shouldn’t say things like that. She needs that to breathe.”
“Well I didn’t know that. She does sound like Vader though…”
At that moment I wanted to crawl into a hole but I couldn’t. Luckily no one had heard the conversation but as a parent you feel like everyone heard it and you want to escape. Another embarrassing moment takes place many years ago. It was during Thanksgiving and my entire family was at my Aunt Mary’s house. We were all gathered around the table for prayer and during prayer someone yelled out in a mousey voice,
“Dad! Dad! I need you to wipe my butt!”
All of us kids began to laugh and even some of the adults but my Uncle Manuel continued praying. My father quickly walked off in embarrassment. It was hilarious for us but my dad was all bent out of shape. What made it even better was that all of this was recorded on tape. Ah, kids…you can never tell when they are going to say something to trigger your ability to shrink and hide. One final example comes from a time when my wife and son had gone to church and Logan began to sing something that was far from a choir hymn. Now, before this incident we had been playing a lot of Guitar Hero. Logan loved almost every song and one in particular was his cup of tea. So while sitting in church and right before someone began to pray out loud to the congregation, my boy Logan belted out his song.
“Shout! Shout! Shout! Shout at the Devil!”
Yep, “Shout at the Devil” by none other than Motley Crew. Hearing my wife tell the story is hilarious but at that moment in time all she could do was put her hand over his mouth and shoosh him. If it had been me, I might have pinched him and told him to stop, followed by smiling at everyone and possibly waving. Either way, it takes just one step and as I mentioned before, kids are honest in what they say. We’re the ones here to guide them but sometimes…sometimes, that guidance can backfire with the complete honesty of a child. So what embarrassing moments have you had? Let’s start up a discussion and share stories. What incident made you realize that it only takes one easy step to figure out ones ability to shrink and crawl into a hole?Post Views: 38
By Ricardo — 6 years ago
Good morning folks! I just wanted to drop a line and let you know that there will be an upgrade to the server that runs Jabber Log. I received an email today that said the upgrade will be within the next 48 hours and that there will be an interruption for two hours. The email did not specify when it would be done but I wanted to let everyone know in case you go to read something and it redirects to an error page. The upgrade is going to bring better performance and flexibility. I’m looking forward to it but I just wanted to give you a heads up. Thanks for being loyal readers. Cheers!Post Views: 53
By Ricardo — 7 years ago
I have been scared of a lot of things in life. A lot of it is every day stuff but big bodies of water are not my friend, I don’t like clowns (like Pennywise), and up until a few years ago, I had a fear of flying. I had never flown before so what was there to be afraid of? It’s not like I had a bad experience flying or anything, I was just plain scared. Maybe I can attribute this fear to movies I have seen in my past. La Bamba is a good one, where the main character has nightmares of his best friend dying from plane debris falling on him. In the end the character named, “Ritchie” dies in a plane crash so I’m sure that’s one of the movies that did it for me. Another one would be “Alive”. I love the movie but I wouldn’t want to crash in the mountains and eventually have to resort to eating the other passengers. Well…if it came down to it, I would take out the elderly first since they would more than likely hold us younger folk back. So…yeah, I have a fear of flying. Well, had a fear of flying.
A few years ago my cousin decided to get married in Las Vegas and my mom had asked if I wanted to go. I told her yes, not thinking it was going to happen, and about a week after the initial question she called me up to tell me my ticket had been purchased. I was stoked because I had never been to Vegas before and I was sure we were going to have an excellent time. After jumping around like a fool in excitement of the good news I was slapped in the face by a jerk named Reality. I’ve never flown before. I was freaking out and it had been on my mind for a month and up until the time for me to fly out. My dad drove me to Chicago so that I could fly out of Midway. I had the jitters and he told me I’d be fine. I figured I would but I happened to be flying on the week of 9/11 so I was slightly scared. Ok, I was “piss my pants” scared.
I went in and did everything I needed to do like check in, pray, pop in a stick of gum to avoid from my ears popping, pray, and take a couple of Dramamine. Did I say pray? Oh I did? Ok well let’s move on. I made my way to the gate and the waiting area was packed with people. I was uncomfortable as it was and now I was in a crowded place. I’m not claustrophobic but at that time I felt it a little. What was worse was that the events of 9/11 played on CNN on the monitors around the area I was sitting in. Needless to say I was freaked out even more. Well, it was finally time to get on the plane. It seemed like forever to board and once boarded it seemed like forever before we took off. When we started moving my blood was pumping and I held my breath. The sweat began to build up and I sunk into my chair and white knuckled the arm rests. As we lifted off I went through every prayer I could think of. Finally the pilot said we could unfasten our seat belts and move around. The stewardess’ walked around asking about snacks and drinks and I ordered a double Jack and Coke.
About halfway to Vegas we hit a storm and it was bad. The turbulence was nuts and I was freaking out. It was just my luck that at this point in the flight my bodily functions decided to make themselves known. We were told we could not get up but I was struggling to hold it in. I had to pee like you wouldn’t believe and I wanted to cry. I crossed my legs and began to pray again. My dumb ass chugged the rest of my Jack and Coke to sooth my pain but the whole reason for my pain was because of fluids in the first place. The turbulence continued and and I had to grit my teeth. I turned back to look at the bathroom and the stewardess smiled at me.
“Ma’am I really need to use the restroom.”
“I’m sorry sir but I can’t give you permission to use the bathroom.”
Did you catch the message there?
“Err…look I really can’t hold it anymore.”
I turned back around and she snickered away. The plane seemed to drop slightly and everyone jumped out of their seats. I swear I sprung a leak once that happened but a light bulb exploded in my brain and I turned back to speak to the stewardess.
“You said you couldn’t give me permission right?”
“Right, I can’t give you permission.”
I jumped up and all you could see was the smoke from my feet as I ran to the bathroom. When I finished up I came out of the bathroom with a Mentos smile and I was ready to take on the world…or at least the rest of the flight. When we finally arrived I was relieved to be on the ground but it’s really the only way to travel. It was well worth the near explosion of my bladder and I was able to conquer my fear. The next time I fly I will make sure to leave the drinks alone for fear that I might just succeed in peeing my pants.Post Views: 76