You Might also like
By Ricardo — 7 years ago
How does one realize they have the ability to shrink down to a size small enough to crawl into hole? Well, unless you’re Alice and drinking or eating different things in Wonderland, there is only 1 true step to realize this ability. Now, in order for me to reveal this step I must give a scenario. About a week ago my son and I were headed to the store to get a few things for dinner. I had the radio on a Rock station and a Kid Rock song was on. Normally I would have changed it but every word appeared to be bleeped out…or so I thought.
“Um…dad, what was that?”
“What was what?”
“Well, I heard the guy singing and then I heard a bleep sound.”
“Oh…well he said a bad word so instead of hearing the bad word they put in a bleep sound.”
“Oh, ok then.
I thought I was in the clear until the next verse destroyed everything.
“I AM AMERICAN BAD@$$!”
*Gasp* “HE SAID ASS!”
I froze and began to sweat. I was shocked but it was my own fault. Given the singer and the song I should have known that something would have been left without a bleep.
“What did you say?”
“Ass, he said ass. That’s a bad word…right?”
I tried not to laugh. “Yes, you’re right, it is a bad word but you don’t ever repeat it again.”
“Okay, I won’t but someone needs to tell them that they forgot to bleep that out.”
I chuckled to myself but had that been in public I would have taken that 1 step to shrinking myself and crawling into a hole. This is what I want to talk about. Everyone has been there and some more than others but what can you do? Children are honest and they speak their mind. They haven’t learned about what’s frowned upon in public yet so they have us, the mighty adults and parents, to guide them the best we can. It’s all we can do really, but when they speak it can sometimes lead to some very embarrassing moments.
So let’s get started. Many years ago I attended a graduation ceremony with my family. I was about 10 years old which would have made my younger brother 5, and my younger twin sisters 4. The weather was beautiful and the graduation ceremony was like any other but at the end of it I’m sure my parents realized their ability to shrink. The ceremony had just finished up and we were making our way to the parking lot from the football field at Fennville High School. My parents held the hands of my younger sisters and people were walking in between them. They didn’t seem to mind until a teacher, Mr. Lugten, walked between them. If you’re from Fennville you know exactly what I’m getting at here. This man was very nice and was an excellent teacher but he was very very tall and to a 4 year old…well…it was rather embarrassing for my parents.
I remember seeing Mr. Lugten walking towards us and my sisters were rambling on about all the people. I could see my parents staring in front of them and I realized they were looking at Mr. Lugten. As he got closer I my dad looked down at my sisters and back in front of him. My parents stepped to the side as Mr. Lugten walked in between them. My sisters locked their sight onto him and yelled,
“WHOA, IT’S A GIANT!”
I heard my parents gasp and everyone turned and stared at us. My dad looked up, took a deep breath, and apologized.
“I’m really sorry about that.”
“It’s okay Richard, I get that a lot.”
Mr. Lugten laughed it off and continued walking but my sisters kept looking back at him. It was hilarious and although my parents took their step toward shrinking it wasn’t all that bad. My dad actually knew Mr. Lugten from their days playing softball for different leagues but the incident was embarrassing none the less. It’s funny to think back on my parents and their urge to crawl into a hole but the more I laugh the more I think about my own kids getting me with something like that. One incident I remember fondly was when my son and I were leaving the grocery store and walking back to our car. I noticed an elderly woman walking towards us and she was carrying an oxygen tank and wearing a mask. I immediately panicked because I knew Logan would say something. I took a deep breath to settle myself down and just let go. How bad could it be? He had not made eye contact so I figured I was in the clear and worrying for nothing. As she walked by us it happened,
“What’s wrong with her!?”
“Shhh! Hold on!”
I could hear the woman breathing heavily and I pulled Logan as he stared at her.
“Quit staring Logan.”
“I’m sorry but she sounds like Darth Vader.”
He had said it loud. Loud enough for her to hear and I quickly turned in order to apologize in case she was looking our way but she continued walking. My face was hot and I looked down at Logan.
“Dude, you shouldn’t say things like that. She needs that to breathe.”
“Well I didn’t know that. She does sound like Vader though…”
At that moment I wanted to crawl into a hole but I couldn’t. Luckily no one had heard the conversation but as a parent you feel like everyone heard it and you want to escape. Another embarrassing moment takes place many years ago. It was during Thanksgiving and my entire family was at my Aunt Mary’s house. We were all gathered around the table for prayer and during prayer someone yelled out in a mousey voice,
“Dad! Dad! I need you to wipe my butt!”
All of us kids began to laugh and even some of the adults but my Uncle Manuel continued praying. My father quickly walked off in embarrassment. It was hilarious for us but my dad was all bent out of shape. What made it even better was that all of this was recorded on tape. Ah, kids…you can never tell when they are going to say something to trigger your ability to shrink and hide. One final example comes from a time when my wife and son had gone to church and Logan began to sing something that was far from a choir hymn. Now, before this incident we had been playing a lot of Guitar Hero. Logan loved almost every song and one in particular was his cup of tea. So while sitting in church and right before someone began to pray out loud to the congregation, my boy Logan belted out his song.
“Shout! Shout! Shout! Shout at the Devil!”
Yep, “Shout at the Devil” by none other than Motley Crew. Hearing my wife tell the story is hilarious but at that moment in time all she could do was put her hand over his mouth and shoosh him. If it had been me, I might have pinched him and told him to stop, followed by smiling at everyone and possibly waving. Either way, it takes just one step and as I mentioned before, kids are honest in what they say. We’re the ones here to guide them but sometimes…sometimes, that guidance can backfire with the complete honesty of a child. So what embarrassing moments have you had? Let’s start up a discussion and share stories. What incident made you realize that it only takes one easy step to figure out ones ability to shrink and crawl into a hole?Post Views: 159
By Ricardo — 6 years ago
How many of you have gone out to a bar for a good time? How about with a group of friends? I’m sure we all have at one time or another but how many of those bar nights ended in chaos? Can you count those nights on one hand? Now, I’m not trying to judge anyone here and say that anyone drinks too much but what I’m getting at when I ask about chaos is the always popular bar fight. So let’s run through it, shall we? You start out good and everything is going great but by the time last call comes around, some people seem to be pissed off and ready to fight. So what do you do? Do you jump in or do you step back and let them go? I guess it all depends on the situation and I don’t think it’s funny for anyone to get hurt but sometimes…sometimes the story behind it all is too funny to resist writing about and laughing.
So let’s take a trip back in time. A time when social media was not king, a time when Nextel reigned supreme. It was back in the winter of 2001 when I worked for a small police department in Florida as a 9-1-1 dispatcher. I used to ride along all the time with one of the female officers. The town was small so not a lot went on but there was a small dance hall where Mexican dances were held every weekend. We went there all the time to break up fights but there was one incident that I will never forget. It was a Saturday night and we were called out to a disturbance. We were hauling butt to get there and when we pulled in the officer I was with got out to help with crowd control. I sat there as people ran out of the dance hall and at the end of the group was a security guard and someone bleeding from the nose. I had to chuckle a little at the chaos but what I saw and heard next made me laugh so hard I about peed myself.
In back of those two was another guy. He was walking by himself and seemed to pose no threat to the people ahead of him but out of the corner of my eye I saw another guard who ran out with a can of pepper spray and nailed the non-threatening man directly in the eyes. The guard then went to the guy ahead of him and sprayed him as well. I quickly put two and two together that the men that were hit were the ones who had been fighting, but why spray the guy that wasn’t doing anything at the time. I was confused as it happened but the man who was calm screamed out as his eyes burned out of his head. Picture a monk walking out of a building and being pepper sprayed. The man could only yell out in agony…and in Spanish.
“¿Por qué Dios! ¿Por qué”, or “Why God Why!”
I shouldn’t laugh but it was funny and a crazy sight. I mean, the guy wasn’t doing anything and he gets sprayed before the guy in front of him who was actually trying to pull away from security. And then to hear him yell out to God was the funniest thing but in Spanish it made it even more funny. The night definitely ended in chaos but the chaos was hilarious! Another incident that happened was more recent. It was the night I graduated, so it was about 3 weeks ago or so. My siblings and I had gone to a bar on the water with a couple of their friends called, “Old Man Franks”. The place was somewhat of a hole in the wall type bar but those are always the best right? It looked like something Captain Hook would be proud of and the people who were there fit right in. The night was pretty good but as time progressed some people were obviously on edge and upset. At one point I found myself playing the role of peace maker between a friend of mine and a group of ladies who were ready to cut him because they thought he was trying to cut in line at the pool table. Luckily they understood my broken Spanish and everything was good.
The end of the night was a bit different. As people enjoyed the last half hour of the bar being open, a couple of girls were talking smack to each other. There were two security guards there and one of them told them to take it outside. Around that time my party was ready to leave. I remember hearing the girls outside scrapping and one of the security guards ran passed us with a quickness. He had ninja like movements and we got out of his way. The guard pulled out his pepper spray and nailed both females and they began to scream! I swear I heard one of them yell,
I could be wrong though. I could have been just hearing things since I had a couple drinks but it was funny either way. Now as crazy as that sounds something worse happened. As I walked towards the parking lot I noticed that my brother was walking out of the bar. One of the girls who had been sprayed was walking back in and bumped into him. She pressed her face against his chest and began to cry. Now let’s think about this situation. I mean, what would you do? Would you push her off or awkwardly comfort her? Well my brother decided to be a gentleman and decided to comfort her. It was very brief and he moved on. What sucked was that since he had been sweating from being inside the hot bar, he needed to wipe his face off. Well he ended up wiping his face with his shirt and guess what was on it? Yep, you guessed it…
“What the $%#& is on my face!? It burns and…”
“Oh $h%^! I bet it’s the pepper spray from that girl man”, I responded.
“God, I can taste it!”
In the beginning it was funny but after we found out that my brother was feeling it too it sucked. Do you have any awesome stories of this nature? If you do I want to read them! In the end, fights are fun to watch but when the pepper spray comes out you better watch out. Sometimes the chaos ends with someone getting hurt and that’s never a laughing matter but sometimes they don’t. Sometimes they end up being hilarious and when added together, pepper spray and bar fights equal a winning combination.Post Views: 243
By Ricardo — 7 years ago
This song is my new obsession. It’s an incredible song. The beats, which are the first things I hear in a song, are sickening! It’s incredibly uptempo and anytime is slows down it quickly revs back up! The lyrics are beautiful and, for me, relatable. Has there ever been a time where you were in a relationship, you knew that you should go, but you just can’t seem to leave? Falling in love in a hopeless place. And even when you have left, you want it back. So much so that you are considering taking the bad back with the good. Now the video does depict DRUG and ALCOHOL usage. Which I don’t relate with FYI. And while there are SEXUAL SITUATIONS there isn’t any nudity. So use your judgement when viewing at work or in the company of children. Rihanna doesn’t approve the use of drugs but they are used rather to show the contrast between when times are Good and Bad. Love and Hate. Yin and Yang so to speak. Although the video may seem grungy and dirty I LOVE the colors and effects such as the sparklers, the thunderstorm backdrop, and the steamers, lol. Watch the video for yourself and tell me in the comments below what you think! Here is Rihanna’s 11th #1 on the Billboard Hot 100, We Found Love.
Think there is a relation with the male blond character and her infamous ex Chris Brown… Some seem to think so…
(Make sure to check out more posts from The Phoenix Philosopher of Phoenix Philosophies.)Post Views: 145